Since tankgirly asked so nicely for the recipe... Here it is!
I really  hope it makes sense, isn't too patronising and isn't too long...

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How to make a Victoria Sponge Cake; the essential bulk of your Gizka cake.

For the sponge:
4 eggs
8oz or 225 g of softened butter (I was impatient and bunged mine in the microwave).
8oz or 225 g of caster sugar. For the health conscious among you, you can always use sugar substitutes like Splenda.
8oz or 225 g of self raising flour.
Two 8 inch/20 cm round cake tins (not too deep, mind!)
Bun/ Muffin tray

For the filling:
Vanilla Buttercream:
4 oz or 100g of un-salted butter, softened.
8oz or 225g of icing sugar.
1 tablespoon of milk.
1/2 tablespoon of vanilla essence.

Also needed, 4 tablespoons of raspberry or strawberry jam.

Step 1: Heat the oven to 180°C, 350°F or gas mark four. Grease your cake tins and bun tray!

Step 2: Break your eggs into a small bowl and beat the together with a fork.

Step 3:Bung the butter (nuked, if you cheat like me) and the caster sugar into a mixing bowl and beat them. Then add the eggs, a little at a time. Beat well after each addition.

Step 4: Sift the flour over the mixture and fold in until it’s smooth.

Step 5: Divide your mixture into the two greased cake tins. But save
enough to fill five of the little indents in your bun tray; these will become the horns and tail of your Gizka later.

Step 6: Bake the cake in the oven for 20 mins or until the cake feels firm when pressed. Remember; wear oven gloves!

Step 7: Leave the cakes in the tins to cool for around 5 mins. Then turn the out and leave on a wire rack for a few more mins.

Step 8: Make your buttercream! Beat the butter until it is smooth, sift over the icing sugar and stir in thoroughly. Add the milk and vanilla essence until the cream is pale and fluffy.

Step 9: Put your jam into a bowl and beat it until it is smooth. Then spread it over one cake. Spread the buttercream over the other cake and sandwich them together.

Voila! A perfect Victoria Sponge… Now for the decoration!



Decoration; how to turn your plain, boring cake into a happy-little-buttercream-filled critter!


What you will need:
5 mini cakes, made from your sponge mix.
Buttercream; make about half of the amount you made previously, so just use the same recipe but divide by two (as if you didn’t already work that out…).
3 tablespoons of apricot jam, warmed and seized.
A small amount of sugar paste or royal icing (for the whites of his eyes!)
Yellow, green, blue and black food colouring.
A hell of a lot of icing sugar (I’m sorry for the lack of accuracy; I’m afraid it didn’t measure it out).
3 plastic sandwich bags.

Step 1: Split your cake in half. Make sure your halves are pretty much the same size or your Gizka will be wonky. Stand the halves upright on a flat surface like a cake board or a chopping board. Sandwich the two halves together with the buttercream. Now you have your main Gizka body.

Step 2: Get your five mini cakes. Cut them into triangles to make the Gizka’s horns and tail. Spread a liberal amount of your warm apricot jam onto the bottom of your triangles and stick them in their respective places. If the jam doesn’t hold them there, use a cocktail stick but WARN FAMILY MEMBERS BEFORE CHOWING DOWN!

Step 3: Now your Gizka is starting to take shape! Now you need to ice him. I used ‘flat icing’, made simply by mixing icing sugar and water and coloured by a few drops of food colouring. However, if you are more skilled than me in the culinary arts, you can use royal or sugar paste icing; it’s up to you!

-You will need to make a fair amount of yellow icing to cover the Gizka’s body; make sure the icing is not too thick or runny.
-Once you have covered him in yellow icing, leave him to ‘dry’ for a few minutes.
-Whilst he is drying, it is time to make your green icing. Again, I used flat icing. Once this is made, spoon the icing into one of the bottom corners of one of the plastic sandwich bags to make a cheap alternative to a piping bag. Simply cut off the tip of the corner, and squeeze away to make the dots on his back!
-To make the eyes, I used a small amount of sugar paste icing; I’m not sure how to make this since I brought mine ready made. Roll it out and cut two circles to make the whites of the eyes and stick them on to the Gizka’s face.
-To make the irises and the pupils, use exactly the same method you used to make the spots on the Gizka’s back.

Now finally, to the envy of all your friends and family, you have made your very own Gizka cake! Enjoy him whilst he lasts